It's Official

Well, as of Wednesday, the Dr. confirmed that I am pregnant. She told me that my estimated due date was November 13, just two days before Cali's birthday. That puts me at about 16 weeks along right now.
I'm not going to lie. Jacob and I were NOT trying to get pregnant. I actually didn't want to get pregnant for at least another year. I was trying to get my body back in pre-Calvin shape and was well into my diet and workout routine when the home pregnancy test came back positive. I cried and didn't want to believe it. I was nervous and scared.
The main reason I didn't want to have another baby for awhile was due to Karadyn's cataract and everything that includes. I am over being nervous about having four kids under five, but I am very nervous that something will be wrong with this baby that I will have to deal with on a daily basis. I know putting in and taking out a contact every day isn't a lot, but it sure causes its fair share of fights between Jacob and I and causes a lot of headaches for everyone. I don't know how parents of children with special needs do it. Most of the time, I get so pissed off at Jacob and Karadyn that I just want to be alone and pretend that nothing is even wrong and that I don't care. I do care. I care a lot actually.
I'm terrified that my actions will eventually be the cause of Karadyn loosing total vision in her eye. I don't want to feel that weight on my shoulders. It's scary being responsible for a baby in the sense that what you do know will have lasting consequences not only for me, but for Karadyn too.
On a lighter note, I am getting really excited about having another baby. We have a feeling that it is a boy which is what we all want (except Cali), but we will be happy come boy or girl. I am going in for my first ultrasound on the 4th, but that is the one just to date the pregnancy and don't know if they will be able to determine the baby's sex at that time.
Until then...

Happy Anniversary!

Three years ago today, Jacob and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Mesa, Arizona Temple. After we were sealed, Calvin joined us in the room and was also sealed to us for time and all eternity. Our family and friends were there to celebrate the occasion with us. Even those who couldn't be with us in the temple gave us their support. It was a wonderful day to say the least.

Needless to say, our journey to get to the temple wasn't as easy as it could have been. It seemed like once we had made up our minds to be sealed and set a date, everything that could have deterred us from that path did. It was hard to go to church for us since no one in our ward ever acknowledged us. Even once we started taking the temple preparedness classes, people from that class would still not even talk to us. I remember going into Relief Society and sitting by someone and then they got up and moved. So much for making friends. It was so hard to go when it felt like no one wanted you there. But we kept our goal in sight and went anyway.

I'm not going to lie though. It wasn't that being sealed to Jacob wasn't enough for me to want to go, but once Calvin was born, he really made me focus and that goal. I didn't want to go through the motions because I knew that was what I was supposed to do. I wanted to for myself, because I had a testimony of the temple. I wanted to really be worthy of entering the holy doors of the temple. I was and I knew it and the Lord knew it. The Spirit was so strong during the sealing. Of course I couldn't stop crying (if you know me, I'm always crying). I looked like a mess! But I'm so glad that things played out the way they did. I don't know if we would have done things right in the first place if I would have the same feelings for the temple.

I am so greatful for my family. I am greatful for the temple and the sacred sealing power there. I am grateful for the Gospel and the joy it brings into my life. I am greatful for the Atonement and the opprotunity I have to repent of my shortcommings and weaknesses. I am greatful that this is a gospel of repentance. I am greatful for Jacob and everything that he does for me and for our family. He always puts his family before himself. I love him and the man that he is.

Hope this wasn't too personal for you, but most of you that read this are my family and you should know how I feel. I am greatful for all of you and the support you gave us and the inspiration you all were that helped us want to get to the temple that much more.

p.s. Happy Birthday Grandpa Dick!

Sorry, I'm New

Sorry, I'm new and don't know exactly what to say. Hi, my name is Erin

So, every Thursday night Jacob has basketball and I go and sit on the stage and watch. And every Thursday night (okay, it's only happened twice) I've been asked if I have a blog. I always sort of roll my eyes and heave a sigh and say no.

If you haven't been able to tell yet, I suck at writing and clearly have nothing to write about. But for Thursday night conversation's sake, I can now say that I am a proud owner of a blog. Thanks for pressuring me into it guys!

Geez, I feel like there is so much pressure on me now. I have to keep it up, take pictures of my kids, pretend to take my kids places so they will actually be doing something in those pictures, think of witty things to say, spell check, and try hard not to sound like too big of an idiot. Why am I doing this again? (sigh) (spell check) I don't even know how to use this. I am so behind the times with getting on the blogging band wagon (or myspace and facebook for that matter). But here I am at 12:40 AM, not sleeping and trying to write a blog.

In all actuality, I'm hoping not to many people will see it or once they come realize my life is pretty boring and not come back. But, if anyone chooses to follow this, maybe you'll learn something new about me; maybe I'll learn something new about myself.

These are my kids. There's Calvin, Cali, and Karadyn. Lucky for you I don't have a current picture of myself, but I'll treat you to one of my favorites.

And what the heck, here's one of me and my husband Jacob. NO, I'm not pregnant, it's just my favorite picture of us (Thanks Tyson!)

Well, this has already taken me way to long, and I'm not very good at all of this. Jacob and the kids are fast asleep, and even though I'm not at all tired, I should go lay down.

Hopefully, this has been...insightful for you. Maybe my blog will be a good conversation starter next Thursday night (I suck at socializing but Jacob can talk to a pole).

And now you know...??? (Why don't you tell me?)